KayzCorner

Just a poem I wrote when I was in high school. Don’t tell me that you know me, cause you don’t. Don’t say you’ll always be right there cause I know you really won’t. I won’t try and be your friend cause I know you’ll never stay. Sooner or later they all tend to forget  me anyway. I feel so cold, I’m really numb; Tell me how could I be so dumb, to think that I could escape and maybe become something great.  Please oh please, please oh please, please don’t look like that at me. Heartless, heartless I hear them say. Is that all they think of me? Just because I’m not like you doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings too! late at night I sob and cry, cut myself and wish to die.  But I’m not sure if they’d care even if they saw me there.  Now ask me why I never try, Why I go to run and hide. The mask I wear is far too thin and I’m not comfortable in my skin. I say I’ll change it, wait and see! I’ll become a somebody! But the truth is I don’t think I c...

Thump, thump there goes my heart, very soon now it will stop.                                                                Blood is flowing down my arms, I don’t want to deal with life no more.                                            Every time they asked me why I would say that I’m just fine, now I admit it was a lie.                         Tick tock goes th...

I am not exactly an extremely happy person. In fact, for a psychology class, I had to take a personality inventory which told me I am a mostly unhappy individual, which I think is going a little far. As I have mentioned in a previous post I believe that people can be both happy and sad at the same time and even about the same topic. However, I will admit that I tend to be sadder than the average person. I honestly can't remember a time when I wasn't sad and I doubt there will ever be a day when I won't be sad. This might sound extremely cynical and I'm not sure whether I should be so accepting of it, but it has simply been the reality of my life; joy is a loud emotion that is foreign and excitement has always been muted and that just the way it has always been. There have been times in my life when this sadness has just seemed to take over, and I can’t help but see my life through a fog of unhappiness. It seems as though my life both in the past, present, and fu...

It's the holidays, that means beautiful Christmas lights everywhere, slightly annoying Christmas music, tasty food, a higher degree of human interaction, and memories. Now, I may sound like a bit of a Scrooge at points there, but I really do like the holiday, I just tend not to feel exceptionally happy around the holidays. I am a huge believer in the duality of human emotions, mental framing, and that in general one can feel both sad and happy at the same time at points without either emotion ruining the other; but during the holidays, while I feel happy, most of the time it feels dull and I find myself realizing at points when I should be really happy that I am really not.    These feelings of sadness can be attributed to a number of things: First of all,  I have social anxiety and during the holidays I have to interact with more people and stores are generally more crowded. Also, I live in a state that seems to be under a perpetual gray blanket during the wint...

For most of my life, I’ve felt like a robot. I don’t mean one of those robots that seem to be practically human from television shows and movies, with amazing human-like features which allow them to almost blend in with human life. What I mean, is one of those robots that you get out of the toy aisle and when you take it out of its box turns out it’s dysfunctional. It moves loudly, slowly, wobbly and the voice is distorted. The kind you usually put right back in the package and return to the store for a refund because it doesn’t have any use. Growing up, emotionally I was rather robotic, never excited when I should be, sad when I should be, never expressive enough. My family used to tease me, claiming I was autistic and this was something that made me angry for a number of years. I felt like everyone could see as I fumbled along the bumpy terrain of human expression and interaction, coming to jarring halts and falling when it should have been smooth. Beyond this, I struggled with dep...

I spend a great deal of time on the internet and as I am on it quite often what I’ve discovered is that the internet seems to be obsessed with is discovering every single dirty secret a person might have, exposing them, and holding it over their heads. Someone is uninformed and accidentally says something offensive, the internet automatically jumps on them acting as though they committed some unforgivable crime. I think we are sometimes really tough on people, we jump on every fault we see. Why do people do this, does it make us feel better about ourselves? As I am an extremely defensive person who sometimes does not respond well to criticism, I thought it would be prudent to be open and honest early on; So, before this gets too far, I want to confess…I’m problematic. I’m not vegan, which some people would claim is problematic in and of itself, and I’m not really vegetarian either and while some people may claim that that is horrible and promotes animal cruelty, I’ve never conside...

Hello everyone, continuing with the theme of mental health for the month, I figured I would share a bit of my own story about mental illness. This is something I've avoided talking about publicly due to the stigma attached to mental illness; however, I think that openness and discussion about mental illness is one of the most effective ways to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness, and if I'm going to ask others to be honest about their struggles then I should be open and honest about mine. I have social anxiety, it isn't extremely severe, I am currently able to go outside and go to many social functions without too much stress and it has become more manageable over time; however, there are many situations that cause me a great deal of stress. I was homeschooled when I was younger, which before anyone comments on that being homeschooled did not cause my anxiety. I was fairly social as a child and I wouldn't say that I worried all that much, my...