KayzCorner

Just a poem I wrote when I was in high school. Don’t tell me that you know me, cause you don’t. Don’t say you’ll always be right there cause I know you really won’t. I won’t try and be your friend cause I know you’ll never stay. Sooner or later they all tend to forget  me anyway. I feel so cold, I’m really numb; Tell me how could I be so dumb, to think that I could escape and maybe become something great.  Please oh please, please oh please, please don’t look like that at me. Heartless, heartless I hear them say. Is that all they think of me? Just because I’m not like you doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings too! late at night I sob and cry, cut myself and wish to die.  But I’m not sure if they’d care even if they saw me there.  Now ask me why I never try, Why I go to run and hide. The mask I wear is far too thin and I’m not comfortable in my skin. I say I’ll change it, wait and see! I’ll become a somebody! But the truth is I don’t think I c...

For most of my life, I’ve felt like a robot. I don’t mean one of those robots that seem to be practically human from television shows and movies, with amazing human-like features which allow them to almost blend in with human life. What I mean, is one of those robots that you get out of the toy aisle and when you take it out of its box turns out it’s dysfunctional. It moves loudly, slowly, wobbly and the voice is distorted. The kind you usually put right back in the package and return to the store for a refund because it doesn’t have any use. Growing up, emotionally I was rather robotic, never excited when I should be, sad when I should be, never expressive enough. My family used to tease me, claiming I was autistic and this was something that made me angry for a number of years. I felt like everyone could see as I fumbled along the bumpy terrain of human expression and interaction, coming to jarring halts and falling when it should have been smooth. Beyond this, I struggled with dep...

I’ve always prided myself on being at least somewhat intelligent. I was the annoying kid in elementary and middle school who rarely ever studied and still walked away with nearly perfect grades in all subjects. Being homeschooled from Kindergarten to 7 th grade meant that I could learn at a variety of grade levels, being taught a grade above my age level in all subjects except math, which I was taught at grade level, and reading, which I was at an advanced level so my parents had me reading adult and teen level books and writing book reports by the age of 8. The only area I didn’t seem to excel was math and so I avoided it like the plague. While I did alright in school, I didn’t really begin to care about grades until around my senior year of high school, worried about getting into a college. I didn’t really have to worry, I was accepted into every school I applied to and I was offered some small scholarships to all of them. My plans changed drastically when my sister died and though...

I spend a great deal of time on the internet and as I am on it quite often what I’ve discovered is that the internet seems to be obsessed with is discovering every single dirty secret a person might have, exposing them, and holding it over their heads. Someone is uninformed and accidentally says something offensive, the internet automatically jumps on them acting as though they committed some unforgivable crime. I think we are sometimes really tough on people, we jump on every fault we see. Why do people do this, does it make us feel better about ourselves? As I am an extremely defensive person who sometimes does not respond well to criticism, I thought it would be prudent to be open and honest early on; So, before this gets too far, I want to confess…I’m problematic. I’m not vegan, which some people would claim is problematic in and of itself, and I’m not really vegetarian either and while some people may claim that that is horrible and promotes animal cruelty, I’ve never conside...

              Hello everyone, continuing with my mental health awareness theme I would like to talk about coping strategies (strategies, not mechanisms! Do not even get me started on Freud) for anxiety and depression, or stress in general. Please note that I use the term coping strategies, these techniques will not cure anxiety or depression; however, they are useful for managing the symptoms of these disorders. These are not a replacement for therapy. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I'm going to share some of the coping techniques I have used and one’s that have been shared with me by various people over the years.                 As I mentioned in my last post, I have anxiety and experience panic attacks. Thankfully, I am usually at least somewhat aware when a panic atta...

Hello everyone, continuing with the theme of mental health for the month, I figured I would share a bit of my own story about mental illness. This is something I've avoided talking about publicly due to the stigma attached to mental illness; however, I think that openness and discussion about mental illness is one of the most effective ways to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness, and if I'm going to ask others to be honest about their struggles then I should be open and honest about mine. I have social anxiety, it isn't extremely severe, I am currently able to go outside and go to many social functions without too much stress and it has become more manageable over time; however, there are many situations that cause me a great deal of stress. I was homeschooled when I was younger, which before anyone comments on that being homeschooled did not cause my anxiety. I was fairly social as a child and I wouldn't say that I worried all that much, my...