Christmas Time Blues

It's the holidays, that means beautiful Christmas lights everywhere, slightly annoying Christmas music, tasty food, a higher degree of human interaction, and memories. Now, I may sound like a bit of a Scrooge at points there, but I really do like the holiday, I just tend not to feel exceptionally happy around the holidays. I am a huge believer in the duality of human emotions, mental framing, and that in general one can feel both sad and happy at the same time at points without either emotion ruining the other; but during the holidays, while I feel happy, most of the time it feels dull and I find myself realizing at points when I should be really happy that I am really not. 

 These feelings of sadness can be attributed to a number of things: First of all,  I have social anxiety and during the holidays I have to interact with more people and stores are generally more crowded. Also, I live in a state that seems to be under a perpetual gray blanket during the winter, this leads to many people experiencing greater symptoms of depression and even seasonal affective disorder. Finally, and possibly more importantly, holidays are about family and I suppose nothing reminds me more and digs into the ever-tender wound of what I've lost than being around family.  

Every year since Cara died, my grandma has us light a candle for my sister when we go to her house for Christmas and I always try my hardest not to cry because Christmas is supposed to be happy, I am supposed to be happy, but I'm not. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I sit in the living room and stare at the Christmas tree and just cry and I know it's not right. It is a constant struggle between dealing with my emotions and trying not to let anyone know just how down I really feel because I don't want to ruin their Christmas. 

 I'm not alone, a lot of people struggle during the holidays. While the claim that there is an increase in suicides during the holiday season is actually a myth, it doesn't mean that holiday's aren't hard for a lot of people. Whether it be because they don't have anyone to share the time with, they are struggling with ongoing or seasonal depression, they are not accepted by their family, or because the time of year brings up bittersweet memories of someone they loved and lost. I think it is important to remember that during this time of year, to reach out to people who may be hurting and just be there for them. To be understanding that people can't always help how they feel, so if someone feels down don't ridicule them, just be there for them. You may not understand why they are feeling the way they are, but the best thing you can do for them is to just be there for them. After all, this time of year is the time of giving to and caring for the people around you.

My niece several years ago waiting for her mon to arrive so she could open her presents

NOTE: I've been a bit busy with my new job, internship, and fiercely spamming all my social media about net neutrality (seriously we need to save it). So, I haven't been very active on this blog, I've been thinking about starting a new website for my short stories and poetry, but I'm not sure yet. I'll keep you updated on whether I decide to do that.