KayzCorner

I’m very well acquainted with self-sabotage. It’s like every time things seem to be going right I go into system shut down, slam the brakes, make some kind of foolish mistake, lose myself in   misunderstanding. I’ve had people ask are you afraid of failure. I don’t like failure, but I have grown accustomed to it, it has been my modus Operandi, the theme song of my life. I wear it’s scars like armor to save me from  its sting. Well, maybe if it's not failure it's success, I’m not afraid to fall but to fly, because all my insecurities, failings, sadness has been wrapped around me so long and so tight that it has become a second skin and I’m not sure where it ends, and I begin. I’ve become comfortable in my mediocrity, complacent in my poignant inadequacy because my insecurity has been the most constant companion I have ever had, and I don’t know who I’d be without it because it’s all I’ve ever been. People laugh and say, “well you would be you,” ...

It's the holidays, that means beautiful Christmas lights everywhere, slightly annoying Christmas music, tasty food, a higher degree of human interaction, and memories. Now, I may sound like a bit of a Scrooge at points there, but I really do like the holiday, I just tend not to feel exceptionally happy around the holidays. I am a huge believer in the duality of human emotions, mental framing, and that in general one can feel both sad and happy at the same time at points without either emotion ruining the other; but during the holidays, while I feel happy, most of the time it feels dull and I find myself realizing at points when I should be really happy that I am really not.    These feelings of sadness can be attributed to a number of things: First of all,  I have social anxiety and during the holidays I have to interact with more people and stores are generally more crowded. Also, I live in a state that seems to be under a perpetual gray blanket during the wint...